Today I was at work and I just went to bathroom at work and I turned around and looked at my butt in the mirror like girls tend to do and I realized that there is a HUGE HOLE in the ASS of my pants and I am wearing a thong so my booty is peekin. F My Life

Today, I came home from school early cos i felt ill, i saw my mum had changed my sheets and got into bed with some toast and chocolate spread, as i did this i dropped the toast on the bed smearing chocolate all over the cover, now it looks like i shat myself. FML

Today I went to play Videogames and my controller was missing. I went to ask my older sister if she has seen it and she had it, but she was not using it to play videogames. FML.

Today, in the car my daughter asked me when was the 1st time i had sex i answered 16 being honest, my daughter is 14 years old and she replied "beat you to it" that was her way to tell me that she's pregnant FML

Today, my good buddy of about two years set me up on a blind date. I got to the meeting point and realized that my date was a guy. My "buddy" honestly thought I was gay. FML

Today, I hooked up with this hot chick. Went to company dinner to find out it was the VP's daughter. FML

Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML

I came home with an urge to masturbate and went right to the computer. My wife forgot to tell me that her parents were coming in that evening and walked right in on me. FML

Today, I got a job at McDonald's because I've been really needing money. After work, I got some food with the Monopoly pieces. I completed the set for $5,000, but I can't claim it because I work for McDonald's. FML

Today, I got my tax return. I was really excited. Turns out the government does take the time to send out a tax return for $1.36. FML